just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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