dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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