And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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