do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
