Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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