but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
