babies were throwing up all over the place
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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