K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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