Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
