great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
