I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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