You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
