You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
