True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
