My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
