Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize