Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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