Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize