Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
