from now on my penis is your penis
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
