as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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