Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
