id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize