She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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