Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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