I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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