After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
