I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
