it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
