did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize