Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
