Sry I called you an 8
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
