I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
