she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
