hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
