Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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