your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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