just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We are two peas in an std pod
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
