I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize