Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
