Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
