dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
