Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
