I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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