Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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