I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
