there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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