i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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