So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
