remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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