It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
