I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
