i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
