after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize