Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
