That's when you crack a 10am beer
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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