You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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