"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
