Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
