i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
