remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
