'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Drake has all the answers
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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