Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
