Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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