Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
