We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
