When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
