I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
