I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
