i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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