Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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