you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
