Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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