I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did I show you my penis last night?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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