i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
