I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
