Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
